Letter to Ahmad T. Muhammad


How far? How runnings?

One of my guy send me one letter  wey he talk say you write for inside ThisDay newspaper. 

Abeg make I ask you; how your own take be? You be Oga Ibro campaign manager? Dem send you abi you send yourself? I just dey ask because I never hear your name before. Abi you be Cabal?

Me and Bob Dee no too dey gree but e be like say you wan make me and the guy become friend by force with this kind letter wey you write.

I no too mind make you dey right letter for inside newspaper…na you get your keyboard so anything wey you like you fit write. And for my village for here, na groundnut dem dey take newspaper sell…so e no too pain me.

But as you feel say you sabi reply person letter, me sef I talk say make I reply you…..make we dey reply ourself dey go.

The first thing wey you yarn wey vex me na when you talk say all men for Naija dey suffer because of all the bad things wey our Ogas for Abuja dey do. You come yarn say na because Yar’Adua dey sick and Obj dey ‘garrulous’ na him cause our sufferhead for Naija.

Na true say Yar’Adua sickness no let the guy do anything since he become Presido. But which one be garrulous again? Person dey garrulous mean say na bad President? 

Me I no like Obj on a good day…but no be because he dey garrulous. If na only garrulous dey worry am, me I no go mind o.

You talk say na only Hausa Generals the guy dey talk about. You hear say Mike Akhigbe talk say him wan run for President? Abi no be Buhari and Ibro don dey try become President since all these days? Guy abeg talk another one.

You yarn say Ibro brave and say him be meritorious soja. How him no go brave….make him come Warri for here waka for main road make we see how him brave reach. Nonsense.

For your own mind, Ibro na young boy abi? Person wey go reach 70 next year na him you dey talk say na middle aged. You come dey use the age of people wey dey live for country wey dey alright dey judge. You no know say for Naija World Bank talk say anybody wey don reach 46.8 years don try and anything after that one na extra time? No be because of the money wey Ibro thief na him make am still dey so? Schweppes?

Person wey dey live for on top mountain for Minna dey enjoy life…how he no go dey healthy? You no think say na because of the wahala and work of Naija President na him make Yar’Adua sick so? Think am well o…no go send Ibro go Aso Rock make he come die for there. Which day you hear say Senator for Naija get pericarditis? Dem no get any work wey dem dey for there now. If Ibro dey feel fine now na another matter if he reach Aso Rock o…abeg o, as one of my sister talk, I no fit take yam water baff o? You just dey yarn twe twe…..which one be Bobby Robson wey dey coach football club. Make I yarn you something…..na only like 2 hours a day football clubs dey do training. All the work wey dem dey do na for Saturday when match dey. Sunday dem dey rest. Na that one you dey take compare President of Naija wey go dey work everyday for 24hours? You be bad person and I know say you wan kill Ibro.

You yarn say your ‘understanding’ of why Ibro join hand invite Obj na to appease all men for Yoruba side because of wetin happen to Abiola. You come talk say dat one na ‘magnanimity’ wey Ibro show. Guy abeg wetin be the meaning of magnanimity because the only person wey go school for our yard here no dey house. Where you dey for 1998 when dem ambush Obj say make he run for President because you dey talk like say the thing na secret wey na only you know? 

After you abuse Obj finish say him be garrulous person, now you come dey yarn say Ibro dey magnanimous for say him dash us the guy. Which one you dey my guy? If say Ibro no cancel June 12, we for no get Abacha….abi you don forget say na God help us peff that guy? For your mind Ibro don pay for the thing wey him do when he cancel June 12 because he don arrange another Yoruba man for there. No be you talk for beginning of your letter say you no like make we dey do tribalism for politics? Now you come dey talk say one Yoruba man equals to another Yoruba man so make we free Ibro. Na only Yoruba vote for Abiola? Abi na President of Yoruba he contest for June 12? Guy you fall my hand with this kind thing wey you dey yarn inside newspaper wey people dey take money buy.

You dey give Ibro hailings on top say the guy arrange election wey bam for us. But why the guy come cancel am now? You no think say if Ibro no mash that June 12 result, today Naija for don be expert for election? You no see wetin dey happen for Ghana? If Ibro no cancel that election by now we for don do another one for 1997, 2001, 2005 and 2009….we for don dey even train other men for Africa how to do the thing.

If Ibro sabi organise election wey bam like you talk, why you no tell Ebele say make he make am INEC Chairman as per say that guy wey dey there now no too sabi anything.

I no understand the one wey you dey talk say technology to stop rigging don dey there since before 1999. You think say na for only INEC office dem fit dey stop rigging? E get one of my guy wey him na Egghead. When dem do election for Anambra for February the guy dey there. As dem dey count the result like this na him Egghead dey put am for Twitter [you sabi Twitter?] and Facebook. Before INEC release the result me I don count am finish for my yard….and the one wey dem release gree with wetin I calculate. Ol’ boy na that one dem dey call technology o. And all those things no dey for now 1999. Today everybody don get Blackberry and internet so info dey spread sharply before bad belle people fit do their wayo. E be like say you never understand wetin Bob Dee dey yarn. 

Na now you come know say North and South for Nigeria be one blood abi? Na so. If Ebele talk say he wan run next year and he choose Yoruba man as him running mate, your people for Kano go vote for am? Small pikin no dey here abeg….leave that thing. Yawa plenty for Naija and no so we don dey manage am since.

So na anytime Ibro like he fit explain why he cancel election for June 12? See your mouth. So make we wait for am make he reach Aso Rock again he go come write letter to all of us tell us why him cancel the election. Na now you know say na military cancel the election….so no be Ibro do am abi? I dey hear you.

You dey talk say make nobody yarn say na Ibro encourage thief thief for Naija because you no see any evidence. Guy, which kind evidence you wan see? Person wey dey thief money dey give receipt? Come, before you write this letter inside newspaper anybody for there dey check am? I no think so sha.

You know say the time when Dele Giwa die na soja still dey Naija. Which kind yeye investigation fit happen when soja dey for government? Na today wey dem don dey kill person wey we no dey find the person wey do am. For your mind because dem never catch Ibro for Dele bombing that one mean say e no possible say na him do am. E just be like make I talk say because dem never find the person wey kill Bola Ige, dat mean say the guy die by himself. 

Even Charley Boy Papa talk say Ibro get hand for inside Dele bombing for inside the report wey he write for Obj. You no fit just dey yarn say because dem never hold Ibro trouser say that one mean say he no know about am. 

I see say you no talk anything about the report wey Pius Okigbo write about the $12.4bn wey Ibro fade from Naija. We for Warri no find that thing funny o. Make I yarn you say that report wey dem talk say miss before, dem don find am o. How Ibro think say he fit just carry all the money for all Naija men put am for pocket come come back talk say him want another one? Una no dey look face? Even if person na maga, no be one day the maga go get sense? Guy, I bow for you o.

The one wey make laff wan kill me die na where you talk say Ibro get Naija best interest inside him heart. You be heart surgeon? How you take know that one? Person wey dey dribble us for how many years ontop say we dey do transition…he come cancel the election again. Na that one you dey call democratic? If you check inside him heart well well you go see say he know say him fumble for Naija dat time. Maybe na him conscience dey worry am now so he wan come back before he die. Tell am say he do well but we no need am. Wetin he suppose dey do now be say make e increase the number of prayers wey he dey pray everyday say make God forgive am for the one wey he don do before. No need make he run for President again because the kind person wey Ibro be, he go go commit again when he reach there.   

Na so men finish reach for Nigeria wey be say na Ibro go come save us from the yawa wey he cause? If no be for Ibro we for no get Abacha. If no be for Abacha, Abiola for no die. If Abiola no die we for no get Obj and if no be for Obj we for no get Yar’Adua. No be today Naija don dey spoil but if say Ibro head correct that time, e for no bad reach this one now.

As I dey read your letter, my mind tell me say you get sense pass the thing wey you dey write but e be like say you don collect allocation na him make you dey write this kind thing. 

Ibro get right to talk say he wan contest for President o…him na Naija man so nothing do am. But make una no think say e go easy like that. Because na him get money pass no mean say Naija na him papa property. 

By the way sef, If Yar’Adua no sick, Ibro go get mouth talk say he wan be President next year? So the guy just dey pam for there dey wait for easy goal like that striker for AC Milan wey dey always stand for offside? 

I dey even wonder sef, why na when Ebele travel Ibro come dey declare? No yawa sha….when that one come back from where he go, I go ask am make he comot Ibro file for him office. I no even know who send that one go America. Actor wey dey act come dey behave like say na real life…LWKMD!

Slave trade don finish for Naija tey tey so I no understand this kind slavery wey una wan dey continue for Naija again. So because Obj don do two times, Ibro sef wan come back for second time? Small time now, Gowon sef go talk say he wan try him luck. Make una leave that thing abeg.

Make Ibro even run sef….maybe na that one go make Naija people wake up from their sleep join hand together pursue the guy go where he come from. E be like say dem dey remote control the guy….person wey suppose siddon for Minna dey organise how he go share all the money wey him thief before he die…he wan come back come do President at 70 years…who side? Una don plan am finish for inside Ibro parlour dem come send you make you go launch am for inside newspaper abi? I see. 

As I dey type so, enough internet ninja don dey mobilise against Ibro. We fit no know wetin we want for Naija o, but we know wetin we no want. Take am say as I write this letter to you I dey talk for all the people wey dey my yard for Warri because na only me get internet for here. Go tell the people wey send you say e no go easy like that for Ibro o. Anything wey una wan do, make una think am well o…..make fire no go start for Naija ontop this matter.

At the same time sha, this na Naija so anything fit happen. Una gameplan be say make hunger dey waya our people 24/7 so dat when you give them N1000 dem go sell their vote to you at N250 per year. God dey.  

Meanwhile I wan even ask you sef, na you go dey write for the back of ThisDay every week now? I no think say I go get time to dey reply you every week so e get one small boy for here wey no get work….I wan train am to dey write letter of reply. Him name na Bright.